A lot, and I mean a lot, has been said about the importance of listening. Scores and scores of advice on how one should listen, why one should listen, and what one should listen for. But not nearly enough has been said about the importance of talking. Now, I don’t mean talking just to hear your own voice, but talking to actually express things, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and the like. For all the people out there in the world listening, SOMEONE’S got to be talking (at least I would hope).Over the last few months I’ve been thinking really hard on some things, and one of these things is the importance of talking. Now, for the record, I’m a talker, or at least our standard definition of a talker. In reality, I’m an idle chatter, someone who can make little, non-sensible conversation. When it comes to the big things, and I mean the really big things, I’m as quiet as the rats that run through the sewers of the Jungle. I’ve never learned how to talk.
I come from a family and world in which talking about yourself was status quo. I spent nights doing the usual ego boasting, and idly expressing world views that no one really knew or understood. But the talking about yourself stopped, dead cold, when expressing emotions or feelings. I grew up trying to achieve my dad’s idea of the typical southern eldest son. I’m sure most of you have heard of the idea, top of the class, football star, macho, and emotionless. It’s the stereotype portrayed in movies and television specials. I wasn’t any of these things, but I bought into them. I created them as part of my own personality. I developed stoicism, the complete lack of emotion, at least by modern definition. See, I was taught to show emotion is weakness and to talk about your emotion is feminine. Due to being raised like this, I developed ways to express myself, which wouldn’t exactly break my dad’s little rules, but it was never about me.
I’m a writer by nature; I’ve always played with pen and paper. So it seemed natural to me to take these unexpressed emotions and convey them through characters and pages. I wasn’t breaking Daddy’s rules; I was, if anything, bending them a bit. I created characters to express my anger, my rage, my sadness, anything my heart felt. It wasn’t me though, and it solved nothing, and I skipped the fast track to the modern generation. We live in age when talking about emotions and feelings are in vogue, but I missed it. I feel odd, strange, saying things like “I feel angry” or “I’m upset when,” or “I’m happy when.” These are not sentences I can form easily. I’ve always handled things myself, or dished them out on the page. And suddenly, life changes.
In any relationship, friendship or otherwise, talking is key. Not just talking about likes, dislikes, or even favorite films, but talking about real issues, real emotions, and reality. There’s the key to it all… reality. Relationships rely on reality. They rely on being true, not only to yourself, but to the other person. When talking, in reality, you begin to craft the gem of trust. Not only do you craft trust, but you begin to deepen where things are going. Things can’t be fixed without being spoken of. If you choose to remain silent, then you choose to let the issue bubble and brew into a major issue that may explode beyond repair. All this having been said, how does one go about talking, or in my case, learning to talk? Like anything you learn, you have to start at the beginning. I haven’t quite mastered starting at the beginning. I’m the type that just dives right in. This time though, for my own personal reasons, I’m starting at the beginning. Step one in learning to talk is finding time, and sitting down in an area that’s comfortable for everyone. Step two, open up, and let the words flow and talk. Speak from the heart, and let the words flow, but by all means avoid words like “always” or “never,” phrases like this immediately put everyone on the defensive. Step three brings us back to the all important listening people have harped on for years. But the importance, remains on talking, on letting things go, on creating understanding. Most importantly, on continuing to craft the gem of trust.
PLAYLIST OF THE WEEK
1. No One's Gonna Love You (The Way That I Do) - Band of Horses
2. Spit on a Stranger - Nickel Creek
3. To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens
4. This Modern Love - Bloc Party
5. Digital Love - Daft Punk
6. Read My Mind - The Killers
7. Like the Angels Rise - Against Me
8. You're My Best Friend - Queen
9. Solider Girl - The Polyphonic Spree
10. All My Loving - The Beatles
Until Next Week
- Texas
